As I was listening to General Conference here a few weeks ago, Quentin L. Cook's talk was the one that stood out to me the most. They say that you will find most if not all the answers to your questions are answered in Conference. I never did actually ask a question/want to know any answers. . .but my subconsciousness was either hard at work or Heavenly Father was getting tired of waiting for me to see. After listening to his talk I was able to find key insights that would help me move on with my life, but it wasn't until I was in my Doctrine and Covenants class that it all finally clicked.
We have been taught that trials and tribulations have been given to us so that we might grow and learn, but I could never help but wonder why we were given certain trials. When Joseph Smith was in Liberty Jail, he never asked why he was being imprisoned/what he was supposed to learn from this; but instead he asked how long would he have to endure this trial. When going through trials, never ask why, just go and do, and eventually the why will present itself. If you ask why, you are going to forever be baffled and never truly understand the purpose of your trial.
In Elder Cook's talk, he says:
"Among the most frequently asked questions of Church leaders are, Why does a just God allow bad things to happen, especially to good people? Why are those who are righteous and in the Lord’s service not immune from such tragedies?
While we do not know all the answers, we do know important principles that allow us to face tragedies with faith and confidence that there is a bright future planned for each of us. Some of the most important principles are:
First, we have a Father in Heaven, who knows and loves us personally and understands our suffering perfectly.
Second, His Son, Jesus Christ, is our Savior and Redeemer, whose Atonement not only provides for salvation and exaltation but also will compensate for all the unfairness of life.
Third, the Father’s plan of happiness for His children includes not only a pre-mortal and mortal life but also an eternal life as well, including a great and glorious reunion with those we have lost. All wrongs will be righted, and we will see with perfect clarity and faultless perspective and understanding."
Some of the challenges or trials that we experience are ones that are caused by others use of agency. It can be something small or something large and life changing. In Alma 60:13, it says:
"For the Lord suffereth the righteous to be slain that his justice and judgement may come upon the wicked; therefore ye need not suppose that the righteous are lost because they are slain; but behold, they do enter into the rest of the Lord their God." Remember the revelation given to Joseph Smith while in Liberty Jail (Doctrine and Covenants 121:24-25);
"Behold, mine eyes see and know all their works, and I have in reserve a swift judgment in the season thereof, for them all;
For there is a time appointed for every man, according to his works shall be."
I have been passing judgment upon a person who has changed my life for forever, in what at the time I thought was a bad way. I had/have a very low self-esteem, my views on myself are very low, the expectations I have for myself are those of a person that feels beaten down and worthless. After reading these verses, I realized that I needed to stop passing judgement, that is God's place. I need to let go of the pain so that I can ultimately move on with my live; I need to forgive.
As stated above, trials are given to us so that we might grow and learn more about ourselves. As I have been going through my trial I always asked "Why me? Why did I have to go through something so horrible, something that has changed my life for forever?" I have been praying to Heavenly Father about this exact thing, and while sitting in Doctrine and Covenants, the following quotes were read:
"I believe with all my hear that because God loves us there are some particularized challenges that he will deliver to each of us. He will customize the curriculum for each of us in order to teach us the things we most need to know.
He will set before us in life what we need, not always what we like, And this will require us to accept with all our hears--particularly [this] generation--the truth that there is divine design in each of our lives and that you have rendezvous to keep, individually and collectively.
Let me begin by reminding you that we blithely say in the Church that life is a school, a testing ground...One of the implications is that the tests that we will face are real. They are not things that we can do with one hand tied behind out backs. They are real enough that if we meet them we shall know that we have felt them, because we will feel them deeply and keenly and pervasively...
What, therefore, may seem now to be mere unconnected pieces of tile will someday, when we look back, take form and pattern, and we will realize that God was making a mosaic (Neal A. Maxwell, "But For a Small Moment," BYU Fireside, 1 Sept. 1974, 1)."
"Some are tested by poor health, some by a body that is deformed or homely. Others are tested by handsome and healthy bodies; some by the passions of youth; others by the erosion of age. Some suffer disappointment in marriage, family problems; others live in poverty and obscurity. Some (perhaps this is the hardest test) find ease and luxury. All are part of the test, and there is more equality in this testing than we sometimes suspect (Elder Boyd K. Packer, "The Choice," Ensign, November 1980, 21)."
The only person that knows how our life will end up is God. We can use our agency and deviate from what Heavenly Father wants for us, follow the temptations offered by Satan. Looking back now, I may not still understand why I had to endure my trial, but looking at myself now, I understand what I have learned. I know that I am a beautiful daughter of God, I know that He loves me very much. Watching me go through this trial I am sure was very difficult for Him. I know I endured nothing compared to what Christ suffered, but I feel that Heavenly Father knew when I was at my breaking point and because Christ had already paid the price, He could actually help me. I come from an inactive family, but because of this trial, I clung to the church and all it stood for, for dear life. I can honestly say that the church and each of the callings that I was given were sometimes the only thing that kept me going, that kept me sane.
Once everything clicked together, it honestly felt as if the weight that has been on my shoulders for seven years has finally been lifted. I can and will be able to move on with my life. I am happier today because I have the knowledge and power to move on. I would never ever wish to go through this trial again, nor would I wish it upon anyone else, but I am so grateful for it. Without it, I would not have the knowledge of my Divine Nature, I would not have as strong of a testimony of the gospel; in truth, I would not be the person that I am today.
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